It’s painfully clear to any fair-dinkum sports fan that more than a few Olympic events need to go.
You and I know that members of the IOC are regular readers of Hold All Tickets. Here is our chance to point those learned gents in the right direction.
Badminton is a sport that kids play when they’re bored at parties. It’s not serious. That’s why all those teams started cheating. They’d done the same at their 7th birthday and no-one noticed.
I was a gun handball player at school. Made the ace square most lunchtimes. Funnily enough, that didn’t qualify me for the Olympics. Because we grew up and found far more interesting things to do. Ditch it, and no-one would notice.
Synchronised swimming? Please. I’m sure the girls put in plenty of training, and I admire them for that. But I can’t accept twirling and splashing as a sport. My girls can do that any summer Sunday.
A good rule of thumb is that anything I can do, shouldn’t be part of the Games. I believe I could race-walk, Kel Knight style, without too much trouble. Much slower than those in London, but it could be done. Either run, or go home.
Having tennis superstars playing for medals makes my head spin. Have they been training for the Olympics all their lives? No. For just a minute? No. If the Olympic concept folded tomorrow, would they give two hoots? No.
In four years time, golfers will be on the team. Yep, that model of Olympic spirit, Tiger Woods, could be part of the action. God help us.
Ok, enough of the negativity. I have a plan to put the Gosh back into the Games. And we might even win a few events.
I first saw the idea on that impressive racing website, Racenet. If you haven’t visited it, you should. One of the growing number of top-notch racing sites online.
The boys there suggested racing should be part of the Olympics. Possibly in jest. But they got a big response. And I think they’re onto something.
Imagine the world’s best horses, jockeys and trainers, on the Olympic stage. In the colours of their homeland.
You could have three races. 1200 for the sprinters, 1600 for the middle distance stars, and 2400 for the best stayers. Spread them over a week at the back-end of the Games, when the swimming is done and everything else becomes a yawn.
The best of the Brits. Kiwis would be there with pride. The USA, South Africa, Japan, Germany and all those other countries we see on Sky Racing late at night.
Start the debate on who would represent Australia. Let’s imagine the green light has been given, and we’re in action next week.
Black Caviar would be the only choice for the sprint. She’d take gold, of course. Can you imagine Peter Moody on the Olympic dias, singing the anthem, with a XXXX Gold in hand? It would be on highlight reels for decades.
A tougher choice for the middle distance race. I’d go for More Joyous. She’d have a red-hot go. Gai would be dashing in green and gold. And Singo would become the Laurie Lawrence of the Games Village.
So You Think would make an Olympic size comeback. In Australian colours. Back with Bart Cummings, and blitzing them over 2400.
So there we go. Three gold medals. And ignore all this talk about owners needing cash to compete. If Roger Federer can do it, so could we. It would be up there with winning the cup.
Forget mis-firing Missiles in the pool. The answer is on the track. We’ll go there together, in 2020. And get your bets on now for Bart to be carrying the flag at the Opening Ceremony. Might take him a while to get around, but what a journey it would be.